Eeveeeery body’s got a good QB, yours is fast but mine is slow…

Where do you get a good QB? I don’t know…..but everyone’s got a good QB ooooOooooooooooo

I took my QB to the farm, put him down cuz he was poor. Wish I had a buck fiftee, oooh everybody’s has got a good QB…

No no stop! Stop this silly nonsense at once! It’s week 1! Get it together!

Ok. Whew. That embarrassing loss really got to me. Anyways, Week 1 is officially over! We had some close matchups and then one really not close game at all! We’ll do a little recap here with my extremely uneducated thoughts on the games and look forward to our new weekly review. With a special tracker!

Northside Angels vs. Twin City Tree Cats

Well. This was a game I suppose. TCTC absolutely smoked NSA, hanging a point differential of +54.39 points on top of NSA. Alas, this means they are now the Prosthetic Pickles (PP) for the next week.

It did not start well for PP nor get better at all as Dak (7.82) experienced the butterfingers of CD Lamb (14.50). While this stack is most likely going to improve when Dallas receivers remember how to catch, having a sub 10-point game from a QB is not great. AND PP HAD 2 QBS UNDER 10!!! Bryce (8.16) was abysmal.

And the hits kept on coming when PP’s lauded studs were duds. Chase (3.60) was a travesty and pedestrian games by the rest of the team added to the crumbling cookie.

It’s ok though. Daniel Jones will save me!

Twin City Tree Cats meanwhile had the best game of the week! So, PP takes solace in entirely wasting TCTC’s performance with the lowest score of the week.

Josh Allen (38.76) seems to have earned a portion of the $150 back, and JJ McCarthy (22.22) started approaching Valhalla on that crazy Monday night comeback. Keon Coleman (21.2) rounded out TCTC’s explosion with fairly okay performances from the rest of the team aside LaPorta who put up a very respectable 13.90.

Josh Allen is the QB1 and Player1 on the year so far. Remember that. Dread it. We’ll come back to it later.

302 Cadets vs Fulton Jail Inmates

Our second closest match of the week between the Cadets and the Inmates!

302 Cadets pulled off the win with a pretty even, if nothing spectacular performance by his squad.

Baker Mayfield (22.58) continued his post-Browns run of general excellence and being a good player. Honestly just a great run for a guy thrown off a team for a sexual assaulter. Kyler Murray (18.32) put of a good game, though the podcasters of Arizona seemed genuinely upset at his play, so we’ll see how that continues. After that it’s really just Breece Hall (15.50) who had an above projected game in the shootout of former QBs, but nobody cratered enough to drag him lower than his opponent. Unfortunately for our Steelers fan, the Steelers D he got for a 2-dollar steal came up negative. Here’s to next time!

The Inmates experienced the Pickle Effect, Just overall underperformance and what seems to be the only prominent injury of Fantasy Relevant players this week, Xavier Worthy. Cook (18.7) and Chuba (16.4) were the engine of the Inmates team this week, but it was not enough to beat the 3rd lowest scoring team this week. Only good enough to beat the Pickles! Lot of points were left on the bench, including the Bears QB Caleb Williams (24.20) and the rookie sensation Egbuka (21.6).

River Gypsies vs Kingmakers

Our reigning champ started strong this week with a 138 to 115 point victory over the TE rich River Gypsies! A great start to the quest for the threepeat. Pick it up Redzone!

The River Gypsies had a great showing from his two starting TEs, Bowers (15.3) and McBride (12.1) and an even better one from his virtually free Penix (24.02) at QB. The rest of the squad had a solid showing, with Tee Higgins (4.80) and Tua (5.26) dropping out the bottom and scuttling his chances.

The Kingmakers came out swinging with the second highest scoring team of the week. His QBs were the clear highlight of the week, covering up some softness elsewhere. Justin Fields (29.52) and Lamar Jackson (29.36) both had huge games and were assisted by McCaffrey (18.70) with a solid, if uninspiring game. But I think the Kingmakers will take 19 points from CMC as long as he gets out there every week to do so.

Rounding out the match for both teams was a defensive showdown! Both scored over 15 points with the RG Colts (16.28) against the KM (18.84). Fun times!

Big City Hillbillies vs Putt-Putt Bogey Boys

The consensus* best drafter of the year, the Hillbillies, showed he was pretty right with a substantial victory over the Bogey Boys, winning BCH (137) to (105) PPBB.

Besides an underperforming Sunshine T. Lawrence and Mark Andrews, The BCH squad was once again a balanced and lethal group with 6 players near 15 points. His top scorers were Bijan (21.4) and Puka (18.1), with an underperforming Saquan at an abysmal 16.40 points. So far, this is the one to watch if he can average 12-15 from over half his team a game. AND he had Herbert (27.92), Etienne (17.10) and Williams (19.40) on his bench. Yikes. We are in trouble.

The Bogey Boys were only able to piece together a 105 points, which was good enough for 7th overall for the week. Jalen Hurts (24.28) and Brock Purdy (16.78) were his highlights, which is a bummer considering Purdy looks like he’s hurt for the near future. We’ll see if Stafford can step in an replace Purdy while he’s out, though he is also a major injury risk. I’d also worry about Waddle, with Tua and the Dolphins circling the drain right now.

MATCH OF THE WEEK

Troll Hunters vs. Outlaw Nation

WHAT A SHOW. ALMOST AS GOOD AS THE VIKINGS vs. BEARS!

Well ok, it was closer and less stress inducing for most of the RedZone league members, so we’ll name it the Match of the Week!

A total of 0.55 points separated the scores seen above! This means the winner, Outlaw Nation, gets to breathe a sigh of relief of no stat corrections, and the loser, Troll Hunters, kick themselves over not starting Pittman over Hill (he’s washed and also booooo).

Zay Flowers (24.60) and Jayden Daniels (20.12) led the way for the Troll Hunters but were dragged down a bit by Tyreek Hill (6.00) and Bo Nix (6.84). Some rough low scores in such a close match! With some interesting names mixed in on the Hunters for good scores, it’ll be interesting to see how stable this team is, but it was high scoring! So, you got that Troll Hunters. You would have beat 5 other teams this week! Just not the:

Outlaw Nation! Mahomes (26.02) and Henry (28.70) came up huge with Henry dragging the Nation back to the promised land after trailing for most the weekend. The Nation himself credits Ricky (12.80), Dobbins (13.80), and the Niners DST (11.65) for his recovery, but the Sunday Night game was his lifesaver for sure! Some worry though with Kittle getting injured, which is a major worry per the Nations own draft review. We’ll keep an eye out!

Congrats Outlaw Nation for winning the Match of the Week!

The $150 Dollar Question

In the beginning of the RedZone draft, Josh Allen was drafted for $150.

This had made many people very perplexed and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

But, the TCTC had the Week 1 high score and most of that was due to Josh Allen being both the QB1 for the week and the highest scoring player of the week.

In honor of this, Silly Reports by Prosthetic Pickles will be tracking this draft pick and its outcomes over the upcoming season. Will TCTC prove us all wrong? Will it crash and burn? Who knows!?! But we will. At the end of the season. We will know.

Josh Allen Report:

Week	Points Scored	QB Rank	Weekly Rank	Year Long Rank
1	38.76	1	1	1

RedZone Standings

Team	Record
Twin City Tree Cats	1-0
Kingmakers	1-0
Big City Hilbillies	1-0
Outlaw Nation	1-0
302 Cadets	1-0
Troll Hunters	0-1
River Gypsies	0-1
Putt-Putt Bogey Boys	0-1
Fulton Jail Inmates	0-1
Prosthetic Pickles (NSA)	0-1