This week had it all…Spooky Bunnies, zero-point games, escalating penalty videos, unanimous rule changes and collective bullying!

This week was so much fun! Thank you to everyone who went all in on the penalty shotgun for the zero point plays. Unfortunately, I haven’t paid enough to embed the videos here, but I’ll give the commish’s ranking on the videos:

1. The Triple Threat
   • It starts so small, with a normal sized can of Cutwater, but escalated so hard into the triple threat with the foot tapping and beer hat mixture of White Monster and PBR! We need to know what that tasted like?!
2. The Skelly Cannonball
   • Under unjust conditions, the Spooky Bunnies crushed a 207th bone and cannonballed into their pool to give love to the league!
3. The Tone Setter
   • NSA had to get out in front to make sure he didn’t have to jump into the Mississippi, but still struggled with the MGD Tallboy. It’s been too long!

Those zero point penalties started fast and furioius, much like the close match ups this week in comparison to Week 7. Let’s get into it!

Spooky Bunnies vs Twin City Tree Cats

The head 2 head of the small furry pets also featured 2 out of the 3 Shotgun Penalty scores. Quentin Johnston and Jerry Jeudy went 0 to 0, offsetting their terrible performances and making this a 9 vs 9 match up.

The now Spookier Bunnies pulled out a commanding win of 134.49 to 103.42 under these conditions. Once again Mahomes (22.96) found his target in Rice (21.00) and also beat the crap out of Washington. Derrick Henry put up a respectable 19.10, and the NE DEF pulled a legendary 6-point safety out of teir hat to get to 15.99 points. And finally on National TE Day, Kittle put up a TD and 14.30 points!

The TCTC followed up the 0 pointer from Jeudy with 2 other sub-5 point games by JCM (2.50) and Kincaid (3.30). The only bright spots on the low scoring affair was Gadsden (18.70) as he destroyed the Vikes on Thursday and his boy Josh Allen (23.22). Jaxon Dart got to 19.42 but at what cost? He’d trade it all for his boy back!

Here’s hoping the Triple Threat has cleansed the palate for Week 9!

Big City Hillbillies vs. Kingmakers

The Hillbillies rose to 7-1 in a drubbing of the Kingmakers just 1.17 points from a re-name penalty. It wasn’t the Kingmakers week with Jackson out and it was the Hillbillies week. It’s how it goes!

BCH saw Saquon run all over the Giants putting up 2 TDs and 150 yards of rushing. The guy still has it with 31.40 points! Jordan Love is making NFC North fans nervous putting up 28.30 points feeding his Kraft Dinner to the Steelers Def. And BCH got a great 25.28 points from Herbert, which was really the only bright spot of that Vikings game. Bijan (4.30) was a problem, but the highs balanced it all out alongside 4.60 from Hockenson. The balanced attack is too much to crater with just a couple down games.

Kingmakers went with a high variance play starting Kirk Cousins (7.12) and Aaron Rodgers (16.76). Unfortunately, both didn’t play that well, and definitely not enough to offset the cratering of the rest of the team. McCaffrey scored his year lowest 8.30 points. Dowdle also came back down from riding high to 5.40 points. Vidal (19.20) scored very well, but him and Odunze (14.90) were only just enough to get inside the 50-point margin to BCH.

At least the Kingmakers have Lamar back! That 25.56 points in Week 9 must be a relief!

River Gypsies vs. <369 Cadets

The River Gypsies secured the win in a 138.25 to 125.73 victory over the <369 Cadets! Twas a close game with some amazing performances on both sides!

The Sleeper Pick for Best Manager Week 8 River Gypsies got started with CJ Stroud (21.72) and the reinvigorated Fields (20.86). Gotta feel for Fields, getting that W when everyone was calling for his head including his GM. Travis Kelce (21.90) took his wood to the Commanders in his best game of the year on National TE Day. One thinks Mahomes knew he had to keep throwing it to him! And finally, Jonathan Taylor continued his record breaking run at 36.40 points. Man he is a terror to see across from you on the lineups!

The Cadets put up a hell of a fight this week though even with Mayfield (4.08) and Mason (1.10) barely putting up 5 points combined. It’s hard to pull out of that hole, but the Cadets had Breece Hall put up 31.86 points for his best of the year! Chase Brown also keeps experiencing the Elite Dragon’s presence with 24.00 points on 2 TDs and 100 combined yards. Finally the Elite Dragon himself put up 24.32 points in the rough loss to the Giants. The Evil Unc Reigns on the Steelers Fan’s fantasy team. Unfortunately, all those highs just weren’t enough with those low scorers on the balance and really the bye apocalypse hit the Cadets hard. Onto next week!

Putt-Putt Bogey Boys vs Fulton Jail Inmates

Our highest scoring head to head of the week saw the Bogey Boys 162.04 triumph over the Inmates’ 152.93. Absolutely rough loss for the Inmates who would only lose to 1 other team this week in BCH. And by less than 2 points. OUCH.

Teh PPBB opened strong with Hurts (25.36) continuing to realize he could throw touchdowns. Tua (24.20) also remembered how to play football by throwing 4 TDs and demolishing the Falcons. The PPBB the followed up these good scores with Goedert (17.80), Waddle (18.40), Swift (14.10), and Achane (17.60). And finally, there was 20.37 points from the BUF DEF. Even Jefferson had double digits if barely. Not quite the greatest showing this \year (wooh NSA), but a great performance from pretty much all his players!

The Inmates had an equally if slightly less great week with Maye (26.58) and Cook (33.60) and the Tampa Bay DEF (27.35) having absolutely amazing games. After that was 3 other players above 10 points including McMillan (13.4) and McLaurin (12.90). Hopefully Scary Terry recovers quickly. Unfortunately the Inmates left 23.6 points from Harvey on the bench alongside 15.40 from Davis. Those would have been enough to win with some of the underperformances on starters.

Match of the Week

Northside Angels vs. Troll Hunters

Our match of the week saw the cellar dwellers duking it out and NSA rising from the bottom to secure his 2nd victory on the season! Don’t call it a comeback!

NSA saw their heart, the Dallas Stack, fail him this week. Dak (6.62) and CD Lamb (11.10) combined for less than their individual performances each last week, and NSA’s boy Ferguson goose egged him! The horror!

One would think that would mean it was all over but NSA had his pickup of the year Jones (23.18) pull him back up alongside a respectable 15.1 from Chase. Woody scored 13 and kept him in it. But the real hero, the man of the week, was Kraft from Green Bay on National TE Day! His 33.30 points elevated and secured the win for NSA! Woooh, probably should make a Kraft Dinner this week in his honor.

The Troll Hunters did NSA a solid by having a fairly down week as well. Ladd (17.80) and Pittman (19.50) were his bright spots alongside Bo Nix (23.78). Cam Skattebo is out for the rest of the year but got him 9.50 points anyhow because he is a fookin’ legend. Pour one out!

Final Thoughts

Once again thanks so much for the participation in the Shotgun Penalty! It’ll be added to the Constitution soon as this is a Dictatorship with trappings of a Council and not any other republican systems of government under hostile stress right now.

Anyways to the final reports!

Josh Allen Report:

Week	Points Scored	QB Rank	Weekly Rank	Year Long Rank
1	38.76	1	1	1
2	11.82	25	91	3
3	23.02	5	13	–
4	24.86	7	17	–
5	19.42	12	33	2
6	15.4	17	53	2
7	Bye	Bye	Bye	12 (Bye)
8	23.22	8	17	9

Mahomes still #2 overall! Taylor took the lead with that monster game!

Standings

Team	Record	Points For
Big City Hillbillies	7-1	1200.13
Putt-Putt Bogey Boys	6-2	1144.83
River Gypsies	6-2	1131.52
Kingmakers	5-3	1031.98
Spookier Bunnies (ON)	4-4	1011.06
Fulton Jail Inmates	3-5	999.64
<369 Cadets	3-5	908.21
Northside Angels	2-6	1081.77
Troll Hunters	2-6	1064.82
Twin City Tree Cats	2-6	1019.31

The Points For battle for the Sixth playoff spot is looking pretty spicy. It’s a 3-way battle right now! And there’s 1 in the wings who can roar back into it with a huge week!